Sleep

Yesterday, Miss Eileen put up March Month at Charity's preschool. This was a rather significant event because, as Charity well knows, at the end of March Month, we get to go see daddy.

Unfortunately, it will still be another four months until Daddy comes home. I'm not sure whether the trip to South Carolina is going to help her with her daddy blues or make them worse since she'll get to see daddy, but she'll have to leave right away again, but overall, I'm sure the trip will be a good thing, and I'm really looking forward to the trip -- I can't believe Aaron's been gone for almost two months. Before this, the longest we had been apart was a week when I went on a mission trip, and four days once when I was presenting at a conference. I've been able to deal pretty well, but yesterday when Charity was laying in bed crying, "I miss Daddy," I wanted to cry, "I miss him too!"

I also miss sleep. Yes, that wonderful thing I used to be able to do each day until 6:30AM, and sometimes a little later on weekends. Taking care of Charity with no Aaron has meant a lot of falling asleep at 10 PM, something that's difficult if you're a graduate student in addition to mom and teacher.

In fact, today I took a nap. The last time I took a nap I was really, really sick. The time before that was, I think, freshman year of college. I hate naps. Currently, the little nugget is still napping beside me. I hadn't intended on falling asleep for a nap when I put her down, and so I woke up in a moment of panic, fearing that she had gotten up and started playing in the living room. Boy was I relieved to see her sleeping right next to me -- of course, she had placed the pillow in the middle of the bed and stole my blanket. But still, upside down sleep is better than no sleep

Gotta go...someone Facebooked me and woke me up. :)

Tilt-A-World

I can't believe it's been three months since I have blogged, although that seems to be the length of most of my inter-blog gaps. Since everything is changing this semester, maybe my blogging habits will get a bit more regular, but I wouldn't count on it. But...back to everything changing.

The Pilot

I call last semester my pilot semester. It was the first semester I attempted to not teach at PUC. Surprisingly, I did not disintegrate, although numerous people pointed out that I spent entirely too much time cross-legged on the futon in the writing center. I basically spent the entire semester catching up on my life. I didn't realize the extent of the whirlwind I had lived in until stood back and looked at wreckage. Luckily, now I'm on track -- I have a plan, I have a schedule. I even have a semi-clean house. Shocking. And because the pilot worked out so well, it's what I'm planning to do this semester. I'll teach at PCS, not PUC. I've even released control of SOWI into the very capable hands of my friend Felicia, who is also handling the day-to-day of my website creation project while I pull strings from behind the curtain. Again, shocking. Whoever would have thought I would learn to delegate. 

The Challenge

For those of you who don't know, another reason why everything is changing this semester is the fact that Aaron is leaving next week for six months of officer training for the army. Here are some pictures of his swearing in for those who didn't get a chance to see it on Facebook.

Charity and I are going to miss him, but I think the bigger problem may be that I still don't know how to cook. However, this ham and eggs I made from a recipe website came out rather well last week. Then the cat ate half while I was helping Charity in the bathroom. Tears.

With Aaron gone, Charity will be starting school full time, which I think will be great for her. She's already working on some rewards charts that she has almost entirely filled with smileys. When she gets 30, I told her we would talk about getting her back into PCS. 

Charity and Daddy at her school Christmas program.

As for me, I plan to work on my thesis and get done or almost done this semester. I hope to defend in the fall. I also want to get my websites up, spend more time writing, get more clients, and hire some employees. Oh, and move, yes, I want to move. 

Aaron asked me what my New Years resolutions were. I said:

- Go down four dress sizes by the time you get back 

- Spend more time on creative writing

- Re organize the house by getting rid of almost everything

- Stick to my new budget

- Stick to my new schedule

- Be more productive (yeah, that's part of the new schedule)

- Devote more time to the things I am studying

I then asked him what his were. He said, "Well, I didn't really think of any yet." Typical Aaron. 

Just in Case You Were Wondering

No, I haven't completely jumped off of the college teaching bandwagon. I have two presentations (including one at 4-cs!) this semester. And I am planning on taking two classes (maybe, I hope...). 

Piratitude

Noun. An attitude that is especially piratey.

Ex. Charity displays some great piratitude in this picture.

Sports

Charity Did Not like soccer this fall. She played for an entire 10 minutes the whole season. I'm kind of sad I'm at a conference in Wisconsin this weekend and can't take her to her last game, but I don't miss the fight. However she did look like a cute football player in her jersey. Now I have to think about if we want to try basketball...

The Warmest October in 30 Years

Today it rained, singling the end of the longest stretch of warm, beautiful days October has seen in 30 years, according to WBEZ. Because the last time Chicagoland has been this warm and accommodating to a three-year-old who can turn a two-bedroom apartment from clean to post-nuclear in the time it takes me to update my Facebook status, we had to enjoy it. No, we didn't go to the pumpkin patch. We're doing that this Sunday. We probably visited the park for the last time this year.

Charity figured out that she can swing from this park equipment.

She made me stand far away so she could do it "by herself."

Yesterday, we had to stay inside because we were waiting for the carpet cleaner, so we decided to make ghosts. Charity calls them "goosets," and she makes them say "wooooooooo."

Not Enough

For the past few weeks, I've been agonizing over a job I want and that I'm applying for. It's an administrative job at Purdue Cal, a job that would allow me to do a lot of what I'm doing now, but it would also allow me to have more reach, possibly to try out some of my programs and ideas, of which, as many of you know, SOWI is the most accomplished and closest to my heart.

Although I've been explicit with some of you and vague with others, SOWI is going somewhere. I have an idea of where, but I can't be certain. What I can say is that SOWI will be required in most ENG 100 and some ENG 104 classes. It's a great accomplishment for me, and I want to thank each of you that have helped make it happen or who have at least noticed what I've been doing.

I just wish that I could feel satisfied.

Yes, SOWI is designed to help people. It is designed to help all students be successful because I believe that education is fundamental and knowing how to write teaches others to think and advocate, which then allows them to change the world.

But SOWI is not enough.

The reality is that many of the people who most need SOWI will never walk through the doors of Purdue Cal. They may never walk across a high school auditorium stage to receive a diploma. They may never even make it through the front doors of a high school--ever.  If they do, they will need so much more than SOWI when they get there.

I know I can't expect to end injustice in the world, nor can I even hope to end it my corner of the world. Injustices occur as a result of deep-rooted problems that portions of our society ignore because turning an eye to them might knock those individuals from their positions of prominence and power. Or make them feel guilty for having those positions.

However, I do wonder if I could be doing more and if it is really ever possible to make a real difference from world of academia since so much time is stolen by competition and intellectual brawls.

So wish me luck as I apply--or not.

Because I Work

"Hi Mommy!"

The first time Charity's impish, dimpled face woke me up exactly a half an hour before I had to go to work, I didn't think it was cute. My reaction, instead, was more to the tune of "ugggggg." In fact, the first week of this new wake up call was a little hard to handle. After all, I'm a grad student, writer, teacher, manager, wife, and mom surviving on caffeine and five hours of sleep each night. I need every moment of shut-eye I can get.

But after a few days of waking up to an energetic toddler crawling into my bed to either feign sleep, jump, or play with the Dora doll who must not be moved from my windowsill, I'm starting to feel gratitude more than fatigue.

Charity Feigning Sleep

It's nice to spend a few extra moments with her, even if it's when I'm at my sleepiest. I even get the impression that she's getting up just to spend the time with me too. Sure, she still asks me to put on her "Elmo DVD" or watch "Sesame Street on the Computer," to bring out her doll house so she can fill it with her dinosaurs, or to get her some yogurt--STAT! But she seems to want to spend more time with me in the mornings because she knows that "Mommy has to go to work." She always asks me whether I'm going or staying, and if I'm going, she wants to know if she can go to the library when I get home. If I'm staying, well, she wants to know if she can go to the library now. Even though I'm tired, even though I'm not ready to get up, having those few moments with Charity is worth it. Plus, waking up to a smiling, happy toddler is better than waking up to even my favorite radio stations--The Drive, XRT, and WBEZ.

It's been about a year since my essay, "In Defense of Bad Parenting," won the Stark-Tinkham award for best graduate essay and was subsequently published in Subvesify online magazine. In that essay, I expressed my frustration with my community's attitudes toward working mothers.I was frustrated by the fact that many people in my community feel the need to cast judgement on mothers who decide to seek fulfillment both inside and outside of the home. I don't understand why, in today's era of modern understanding, we still feel the need to critique others' private choices and assume that working parents are bad parents.

In "In Defense of Bad Parenting," I compared my choice to work with Charity's then choice to stay up later and miss me in the mornings. Now, it appears both Charity and I have chosen again. Charity's made the choice to change her sleep schedule, and I've made the choice to embrace and encourage this time.

 However, my decision to work and to unapologetically enjoy my work has not changed.

I am a better parent because I work, because I love my work and it energizes and challenges me. Working stretches my brain and forces me to create to synapses, to learn more and to become better able to solve problems and think critically. The skills I learn from work don't stay there, though. I take them home share them with my family. Working daily with adult students, clients, and colleagues has undeniably changed how I parent my preschool-aged daughter. I've learned how to see things from various peoples' points of view and to utilize those points of view when interacting with different people. I've learned how to listen and respond to my daughter as a person through interacting with people in my line of work.

So how has my community's perception changed? It's changed a bit. At least, some individuals' perceptions of me have changed because they've begun to view my work as important or significant. However, I still routinely hear people in my community making excuses for children's behavior or feeling sorry for those children because "both parents work." Granted, there are some parents who do not like to spend time with their children, who use work as an excuse to get away.

This is not such a case. And many families in which "both parents work" cannot be characterized by the above assumption. In many families, parents work because they enjoy it or because they finances necessitate it. And in these families, parents still find the time to be good parents, to devote to their children the same passion they devote to their work, and in cases, like mine, to be better parents for it. While these parents are working, they do so with the idea that they work for themselves and for their children--to provide for their children, to learn more that they can teach to their children, and to set a good example of how to not only provide for a family but also how to pursue a myriad of dreams.

Trust me, you would have to feel a lot more sorry for Charity if I didn't work. Right now, I think she's got it pretty good. Our weekend agenda includes a movie and maple sugar tasting.

So am I just defending bad parenting again? No, I'm not apologizing this time. I'm a good parent because I love my child, because I want what's best for her, because I keep my commitments to her, and because I work.