Because I Work

"Hi Mommy!"

The first time Charity's impish, dimpled face woke me up exactly a half an hour before I had to go to work, I didn't think it was cute. My reaction, instead, was more to the tune of "ugggggg." In fact, the first week of this new wake up call was a little hard to handle. After all, I'm a grad student, writer, teacher, manager, wife, and mom surviving on caffeine and five hours of sleep each night. I need every moment of shut-eye I can get.

But after a few days of waking up to an energetic toddler crawling into my bed to either feign sleep, jump, or play with the Dora doll who must not be moved from my windowsill, I'm starting to feel gratitude more than fatigue.

Charity Feigning Sleep

It's nice to spend a few extra moments with her, even if it's when I'm at my sleepiest. I even get the impression that she's getting up just to spend the time with me too. Sure, she still asks me to put on her "Elmo DVD" or watch "Sesame Street on the Computer," to bring out her doll house so she can fill it with her dinosaurs, or to get her some yogurt--STAT! But she seems to want to spend more time with me in the mornings because she knows that "Mommy has to go to work." She always asks me whether I'm going or staying, and if I'm going, she wants to know if she can go to the library when I get home. If I'm staying, well, she wants to know if she can go to the library now. Even though I'm tired, even though I'm not ready to get up, having those few moments with Charity is worth it. Plus, waking up to a smiling, happy toddler is better than waking up to even my favorite radio stations--The Drive, XRT, and WBEZ.

It's been about a year since my essay, "In Defense of Bad Parenting," won the Stark-Tinkham award for best graduate essay and was subsequently published in Subvesify online magazine. In that essay, I expressed my frustration with my community's attitudes toward working mothers.I was frustrated by the fact that many people in my community feel the need to cast judgement on mothers who decide to seek fulfillment both inside and outside of the home. I don't understand why, in today's era of modern understanding, we still feel the need to critique others' private choices and assume that working parents are bad parents.

In "In Defense of Bad Parenting," I compared my choice to work with Charity's then choice to stay up later and miss me in the mornings. Now, it appears both Charity and I have chosen again. Charity's made the choice to change her sleep schedule, and I've made the choice to embrace and encourage this time.

 However, my decision to work and to unapologetically enjoy my work has not changed.

I am a better parent because I work, because I love my work and it energizes and challenges me. Working stretches my brain and forces me to create to synapses, to learn more and to become better able to solve problems and think critically. The skills I learn from work don't stay there, though. I take them home share them with my family. Working daily with adult students, clients, and colleagues has undeniably changed how I parent my preschool-aged daughter. I've learned how to see things from various peoples' points of view and to utilize those points of view when interacting with different people. I've learned how to listen and respond to my daughter as a person through interacting with people in my line of work.

So how has my community's perception changed? It's changed a bit. At least, some individuals' perceptions of me have changed because they've begun to view my work as important or significant. However, I still routinely hear people in my community making excuses for children's behavior or feeling sorry for those children because "both parents work." Granted, there are some parents who do not like to spend time with their children, who use work as an excuse to get away.

This is not such a case. And many families in which "both parents work" cannot be characterized by the above assumption. In many families, parents work because they enjoy it or because they finances necessitate it. And in these families, parents still find the time to be good parents, to devote to their children the same passion they devote to their work, and in cases, like mine, to be better parents for it. While these parents are working, they do so with the idea that they work for themselves and for their children--to provide for their children, to learn more that they can teach to their children, and to set a good example of how to not only provide for a family but also how to pursue a myriad of dreams.

Trust me, you would have to feel a lot more sorry for Charity if I didn't work. Right now, I think she's got it pretty good. Our weekend agenda includes a movie and maple sugar tasting.

So am I just defending bad parenting again? No, I'm not apologizing this time. I'm a good parent because I love my child, because I want what's best for her, because I keep my commitments to her, and because I work.